Question: Did you know what you wanted to be when you were 16?
If you did, were you 100% certain about it? Or was it more like an option?
Next Question: Did you go to college, and were you firm in what you wanted to major in?
What happened? Did you choose early? Did you graduate with that degree? Do you work in that field? Did you quit? Did you pivot? What happened?
Here’s where I’m going…
I know you want to be a good parent and steer your child in the right direction. The world feels scary, and you know how unforgiving it can be.
Your job is to ensure that you don’t allow the unresolved fears you’re haunted by from your past to seep into your interactions with your kids.
I know you have good intentions, but steering your kid’s future based on your apprehensions is not a solid approach to future planning. And you might say, that’s not what I’m doing. The problem is, we usually don’t realize when we’re doing it.
I have personal experience with this, and you probably have some as well.
For me, it took place during one conversation with my very well-meaning father that got in my head. I wanted to study creative writing or psychology, and you might know how the story goes. He said to me,
“A writer? Most of them don’t make any money. You’ve got to focus on something practical. Be a doctor or a lawyer.” Need I say more? It was the same recycled advice from the baby boomer parent handbook.
My father’s career advice didn’t consider who I was or what my gifts were. It was practical guidance, but it was offered from a limited life perspective, even though it came from a good place.
And this is exactly why you have to be careful. Clearly, he believed he was giving me the best advice he could. He desperately wanted college to mean something – wanted me to be successful. So when I said I wanted to be a writer, he was shook.
In his mind, he probably pictured me as some poor starving artist with three cats in an apartment on the low end of Chicago.

My father was a significant influence in my life. He was my favorite person. Still is to this very day.
But his advice took me off track, trying to play the role of someone I didn’t know how to be.
But I have compassion. My dad had a rough upbringing. There were times when he and his mom and siblings were homeless. The point is that your past struggles have nothing to do with your kids. Nor do your hangups and biases.
Here I am today, a writer. I went back to school, and now I have a Master’s in Psychology. I’m doing the things that I dreamt of doing back then.
I learned one important thing from that. My dreams belong to me, and it’s okay if someone doesn’t understand or agree—even if that persona is a parent.
My mission as a mom is to empower my kids with the courage to say “yes” to things that feel true to them, even if it’s hard or scary, and the strength to say “no” to things that feel false to them, even if I’m the person they’re saying n”o” to.
– Cindi C. Rose
As a parent, that’s a hard pill for some of you to swallow—the concept that your young adult will go in a direction you didn’t contrive for them.
You want what’s best for them, but you may not trust their ability to decide for themselves.
Being a parent is hard. Just being human is rough. We’re the most complicated organism on the planet because we contend with thoughts, ideas, doubts, beliefs, feelings, and other people’s opinions and feelings. While relationships are beautiful, they also create challenges.
Not to mention the battle between our practical side and our creative.
And so, it’s natural that your teenager may seem confused or indecisive. 😒
According to a survey by the American Psychological Association, nearly 80% of college students in the United States report feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of choosing a major.
There are external factors and internal elements at war here.
Young adults must deal with the societal pressure to make money versus the fear of making the wrong decision.
-Cindi C. Rose
What if they choose poorly? Does that mean they end up in a career they hate?
Nobody wants to be the person who dreads pulling up to the office and sits in the car for 10 minutes before they go in, pondering their life decisions.
The good part is that we always have options, and as a young human, they get to change their minds without a ton of dominoes falling in their wake.
But sometimes, too many options can make you feel like you’re drowning inside. I want to share with you how you can allow your kids to take the lead in their decisions while also bringing your input and guidance to the table so you both can move toward clarity instead of confusion.
So, how do you help your teen learn to make decisions and start carving out a path for their future? The more profound question is – how do you help your teen as an imperfect adult with your own issues?
You have to Be 4 Things:
- Be Self-Aware
- Be an Observer
- Be a Coach
- Be in Integrity

#1.
First things first – if you want to communicate, support, and inspire your teen to start leaning into their gifts and driving toward their potential, you’ll need to have some self-awareness.
A lot of times, we’re coming to our kids hoping to motivate them, with this pushy, rancid, or doom-and-gloom afraid-of-life type of energy. That is not inspiring.
So go within, and ask yourself, what advice do you wish you had gotten when you were their age?
Before you talk to your teen about their futures, figure out what your fears are so you can mentally be clear before starting the conversation. Ask yourself how many of these fears stem from the mistakes you made about your education or career – or even the misinformation you received from people who probably had good intentions, but no idea what they were talking about.
Having this sense of self-awareness is so important when talking to our kids about their futures because we don’t want to bring the wrong energy to the discussion.
Here’s what I mean. Think about this:
Have you been making fear-based decisions in your life, and if so, have they served you? Likely, they haven’t. With that in mind, do you want to transfer those fears onto your kid or put her in the mindset of making fear-based decisions?
If you understand that your emotions have a current – and that visceral energy can impact the people around you, especially your children, your emotional current can be an optimistic flow or it can be tainted. We have to become aware of what’s happening inside because if our communication is filled with our doubts, we have to work on healing and releasing those first so we can give better guidance to our kids and not influence them to be anxious or fearful decision-makers.
We cannot be afraid for our kids to have failures and setbacks. They are inevitable and can actually be a stepping stone to growth and resilience.
-Cindi C. Rose
Life is going to kick their butts from time to time. But guess what? They’re going to get back up. And fortunately, they’ve have you in their corner’. So you can breathe.
As a matter of fact, I’d say nothing is more important to growing your child’s confidence than you demonstrating your confidence to them.

#2.
The second thing you want to be, as a parent who wants to help guide their young adult to make smart decisions for their future, is to BE AN OBSERVER. A lot of times, we’re talking when we could simply be listening or paying better attention. What are they into? What are their strengths? What is their best subject at school?
Not only that, but what are their weaknesses? I firmly believe in going where my strengths can be of service rather than focusing on what I don’t do well. If your kid hates science or is easily grossed out, they probably won’t be a doctor. Cool. You don’t have to force anything.
As an observant parent, you have an in-depth glimpse into their personalities. Is your child lively and upbeat, or more thoughtful and earnest, or do they tend to be more serious and focused?
What about the way they view the world? What are they passionate about? What do they care about? By observing your young human, you’ll have a good sense of their skills and what matters in their personal universe. The insights you gain here will give you the information you need to help them move in the right direction.
#3.
When it comes to helping your teen find their path to success, the third thing you must do is BE A COACH for them.
I don’t know about you, but many of us had parents who loved us but were under the flawed belief that we simply had to get good grades, graduate from high school and go to college, and life would be A-okay.
If you’re a millennial or Gex X, you know that wasn’t it. As parents who know that the formula for success isn’t that old laid-out path it may once have been, we understand that getting good grades and being good boys and girls isn’t the formula for success.
As an observant parent, you’ve seen what they’re good at. It might be multiple things. A coach’s job is to strategize, look at the playing field, and help position their player to do and be their best.
Sometimes, that may require some extra motivation. It may require some specialized training. As a coach, you’ll have to see things in your kid’s blind spot that they haven’t noticed. And there will be times when you get on their nerves. A coach must strike a delicate balance between being a decision-maker and letting your star player step up as a leader in their own right.

You and your young adult should have a healthy, interdependent relationship in which they are allowed to step up. Here are some tips for being the best coach you can be.
- Ask for their input. This is their life, after all. Let them know their opinions are valued. Even when they seem closed off. Don’t let it bother you. Keep giving them chances and then you share what you think. Ask their opinions about your ideas. And don’t ridicule their response, even if you think it’s ridiculous. Have a genuine and lighthearted conversation about it. The more you show them they are safe opening up to you, the more they will.
- Don’t smother or take over. You’ll get resistance, and they’ll start to feel like this was your decision, not theirs. They won’t give their complete effort if they feel manipulated as if they were a puppet.
- Give them tasks and show that you trust them. This may take some time, but the more you tell and show them that you’re willing to trust them to be responsible and to follow through, the more they’ll believe that you believe in them. Your belief in them will help them increase their own belief. But your belief has to be active, not passive. Ask for their opinions. Give them meaningful things to do. Show them your trust.
- Go with your gut, not your heart. Now, I don’t mean perpetually. There will be times when your heart is exactly what they need. But when it comes to setting goals, and committing to certain actions and behaviors, your ability to be successful at it has nothing to do with your being tired. So don’t let them give up easily. The only way you let them quit is if something is just not right for them. But you don’t let them quit because they’re feeling sorry for themselves, or doubtful or lazy. Success is about small habits, and there will come a time when they no longer need you to help them show up. They’ll find the discipline within themselves to follow through. Until then, they’ve got you.
Now that last tip may give gentle parenting coaches a case of the vapors. Some of them will fan themselves and pass out. I practice gentle parenting myself.
But I firmly believe you have to know your kid and act accordingly.
Some of you have kids that have a keen sense of who they are and what they want to do. It’s as if their souls have been here before. If that’s the case, let them lead and support and coach them as necessary.
But most teens are not proactive, caught in a perpetual state of procrastination or self-doubt when it comes to making their own decisions. This isn’t unnatural, as they don’t have much life experience.
That means that there are some things you may have to do to help them build their confidence. So have them start volunteering or participate in a sport. Maybe take a course or go see a counselor. You can even check out some programs we’re hosting this summer here on Ambition Crush.
If your kid is indecisive, doubtful, or a perfectionist, you must encourage and even gently push them occasionally. As they consistently show up and get comfortable with uncomfortable things, this will inevitably manifest into more self-esteem and confidence.
Now before I get to the last point, about who you need to be to get help your young adult get on the path to success, I need to mention this.
None of this is easy. And I don’t want to downplay it. The way you communicate is a vital part of any of this working. And you have to keep in mind that “the right thing” may be different from what you expect. There is really no right thing to do, it’s just what’s best for your young adult right now. We’re getting into this in our Fierce and Future Ready Camp on Ambition Crush.
Finally, we’re at number 4. The final thing you need to do to prepare your kids for success is to BE IN INTEGRITY.
If you tell them to be consistent, you be consistent.
If you teach them certain values, do your best to live those values.
If you tell them it’s vital to exercise, exercise yourself.
If you tell them not to smoke, put the cigarettes and vape pen down.
It’s not the amount of success you do or don’t have, it’s whether or not you are a person they can trust.
You want him to love himself, love yourself a little better.
If you don’t want her to be a follower, you need to stop pleasing people.
If you want them to stop being so self-critical, make sure you’re not constantly condemning yourself – even internally.

They’re watching you, and most importantly, they’re feeling your energy. It’s a lightness or the heaviness you carry around with you.
This is not to say that you have to be perfect. God, who is? That would be boring anyway. But it does require that you are in integrity between what you say and do to the best of your ability.
The example you set is the biggest flex, Period.
Remember that when it comes to your kids, as much as we take things personally, it’s not about you at all. It’s about them.
It’s their story.
So make sure you’re not imposing your narrative, fears, and regrets on them. If you can do the first thing—be self-aware—you’re halfway there already.
Each commitment will take you further with your teen. Again, you do not have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to see the best in yourself and the best in them.
Once you start implementing these commitments, understand that none of this happens overnight. But you’ll see over the course of some weeks, your young human will begin to open up a little bit more, gradually. As those moments add up, you’ll start to get an inner glimpse behind the curtain to who they are inside, and it will feel like the sun is shining just for you.